Etiquette
was a very important part of
19th Century Society.
How
did 19th Century People Behave?
Probably
not very different from ourselves. With the
advancement of technology in the Industrial Revolution and
the large population influx moving to the cities, more
people of different classes were gaining the advantage of
mingling and the newly emerging middle classes especially
desired to act accordingly in set social situations.
The race for the "American Dream" was on! After all,
to
"better oneself"
and one's situation, i.e. to achieve
"Self Elevation",
one had to know how to behave. Early in the century,
etiquette books were imported from Britain, however by the
1830s and 1840's many found American publishers and as
there was little or no copyright enforcement there was much
plagiarism. "Yellow Backed" or inexpensive paperback
etiquette manuals, such as
Beadles Dime Book of Etiquette
made self elevation possible for many citizens.
Etiquette
books covered a wide range of topics. There were
separate books for ladies and gentlemen, books for boys and
youth, young ladies, children and manuals for the general
public which covered anything from ballroom to riding
etiquette and even tips on the humane treatment of one's
horses, livestock and household pets!
After all, charity does begin at home. So, without
further ado, gentle reader, we offer a few tips on the
standard etiquette of the era.
Etiquette
of the Street
Good
behavior upon the street, or public promenade, marks the
gentleman most effectually; rudeness, incivility, disregard
of "what the world says" marks the person of low
breeding. We always know in walking a square with a
man, if he is a gentleman or not. A real
gentility
never does
the following things on the street in the presence of
observers:
Never picks the teeth nor scratches the head
Never swears or talks uproariously
Never picks the nose
Never smokes or spits upon the walk, to the exceeding
annoyance of
those who are always disgusted with tobacco in any shape
Never stares at anyone, man or woman, in a marked manner
Never scans a lady's dress impertinently and makes no rude
remarks
about her
Never jostles a lady or gentleman without an "Excuse me"
Never treads upon a lady's dress without begging pardon
Never loses temper, nor attracts attention by excited
conversation
Never dresses in an odd or singular manner,so as to create
remark
Never fails to raise his hat politely to a lady
acquaintance; nor to
a male friend who may be walking with a lady - it is a
courtesy to the
lady
Of course, a lady will not
be rude, nor dress so as to attract undue attention, much
less to create unpleasant remark.
She will be kind to all; she will not absorb too much of
the walk, nor fail to give half the way to either a lady or
gentleman, she will not allow her skirts to drag upon the
walk to the annoyance of other pedestrians; she will not
fail to recognize friends by a pleasant smile and slight
bow;
she will not look back at anyone who has passed her; she
will not eye another lady's dress as if studying its very
texture;
she will not stop upon the walk to talk with a friend to
the inconvenience of others; she will not make the street a
place of meeting with person whom she can recieve in her
home.
A true lady in the street, as in the parlor or
salon
is modest, discreet, kind and obliging. If she is to
the contrary, she forfeits her right to be called after the
truly genteel.
The truly well-educated, well-born and well-bred
never
betray vanity, conceit, supercilliousness or hauteur.
Set this down as an invariable law, and male or female, let
it guide all of your actions.
It is proper that the lady should first recognize the
gentleman. There has been some dispute on this point
of etiquette, but we think that there can be no question of
the propriety of the first recognition coming from the
lady.
A gentleman will never fail to bow in return to a lady,
even if he may feel coldly disposed toward her; but a lady
may not feel at liberty to return a gentleman's bow, which
places him in a rather unpleasant position. A lady should
give the first smile or bow.
In meeting acquaintances several times during the same
promenade, it is not necessary to salute them at every
passing.
In offering a lady your arm, as it is proper to do upon the
street, particularly in the evening, always give her
the
right
arm, because persons in passing observing the law "turn to
the right" would jostle her if she was upon the other
arm.
The practice of always giving the lady the inside of the
walk is a very useless one, and not necessary to true
politeness.
It is always proper for a gentleman walking alone or with
another of his sex, to give the lady, or a gentleman with a
lady, the inside of the walk. In gallanting a lady to
a carriage, take her left hand.
It is truly polite to take off the hat in performing such a
service.
Very
Impolite Things
Loud
and boisterous laughter
Reading when others are talking
Reading aloud in company without being asked
Talking when others are reading
Spitting about the house, smoking or chewing
Cutting your fingernails in company
Leaving a church before public worship is closed
Whispering or laughing in the house of God
Gazing rudely at strangers
Leaving a stranger without a seat
Want of respect and reverence for seniors
Correcting older persons than yourself, especially parents
Receiving a present without an expression of gratitude
Making yourself the hero of your own story
Laughing at the mistakes of others
Joking of all others in company
Commencing to eat as soon as you get to the table
In not listening to what one is saying in company - unless
you desire to show open contempt for the speaker
Speaking while one is singing or playing on the piano or
other instrument - a direct insult to the
performer